Fifty Shades of Show Jumping

For my ladies. Because I can


She pushed her fingers in, not believing how tight it was. Wonder and confusion written across her face. When was the last time she wore these breeches?

“Faster! Faster!” he hissed under his breath. She’d never make the six stride at that pace.

He flicked the whip at her menacingly. Then, with a determined glint in his eye, brought it down with a sudden and resounding smack across her hip, sending her scrambling over the edge. Yes! There would be no stopping at the bank this time!

Panting, she felt the burn deep in her thighs. Her breath coming fast and hard. Sweat building on her brow. Oh, the sweet torture. How much longer could he keep this up?  “Please…” she begged. “Can I have my stirrups back now?”

“It’s so hard…” she moaned, fingering the course map tenderly.

He dropped the chain and gingerly placed his fingertips on her face, slowly massaging the blood back into her lips. His eyes dancing with delight. Finally! The ear clipping was done.

“Ahhh!” she squealed as the sharp pain bit into her thigh. Clutching the spot instinctively, she murmured, “Must remember not to squat with spurs on.”

“I’m coming! I’m coming!” she screamed. “Hold the gate!

He hoisted the straps one at a time, pulling them securely into place. Her flesh squeezed beneath the leather. There. That should stop the saddle from slipping.


  1. LindsayP says:

    I love you. You are freaking hilarious!

  2. Cheval Fashions says:

    Oh no you didn’t! My god – I think you truly must be the funniest lady on the planet – brilliant!

  3. Dapple Gray says:

    This is FANTASTIC!!!!

  4. Horscotti says:

    My this is too funny not to share!

  5. Love this – too funny!! Great job – thanks for the laugh!

  6. Dark Horse says:

    Hilarious, Fun, Factual ….and really needs to be made into a book!

  7. Katie says:

    Just saw this. OMG so hilarious!!

  8. Lovers Fortune says:

    ah ha ha ha ha!

  9. shirley crawford says:

    SO SO CLEVER! Thanks for a great laugh to start the day


  1. [...] First just had to share this find from COTH… It is on GetMyFix… Fifty Shades of Show Jumping! [...]